How to Shrink Inner Critic Advice. From Pete Walker. Yin. Part 2 "Self Care"

How to Shrink Inner Critic: Advice From Pete Walker. Yang and Yin, "Self Protection" & "Self Compassion". Part 1

Hopelessly Ruled by Trauma

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Wells Tao
July 9 at 11:46 AM ·
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I'm having a moment of basking glory in change in me, as today I've got a major art deadline due and I've got two sick kids at home and no one else.
There was a time, say the last 18 years where I wouldn't be able to handle that, blow out, up all over the place. Not cool, cliche, real waste of energy. Hopelessly ruled by trauma I couldn't get my head around.
NOW, having such a cruizey gentle fun day,
yay



25 Comments
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Clare Robinson
Yay! Enjoy
1

Suraya Sidhu Singh
Sorry to hear your kids are unwell
1

Richard Reddaway
That's the spirit!
2

Elsje Winnubst
Kudos to you!
2

Wells Tao
the difference being removing the toxic in my life, no longer being depressed, violent or abusive, and practicing self care. Didn't do that, couldn't do that before. Now I prepare for situations and completely avoid others.
7

Roger Boyce
Congrats

2
Wells Tao
Roger Boyce thanks
1 

Shaun Patrickmurphy
Thats a great corner to turn and there are more as you get to the root of you and your processes. Go well.
1 

Wells Tao
Yay

Greg Stingray
Good news Bro, get some soup into those kids and put your feet up. .
1

Sohn Yoo Sehmin
Yay
congrats
bro! Hope the kids get well and I know they will and I love that you are cruising and love your post Tao! Cheers to you and the major art deadline as well yuhu!! Gosh I would like to see you!!! Was looking at the photo you took of me infront of your painting in your place around 2013/4 I think sometime wearing your shirt... that you had screenprinted with your art on it. Fond of this memory and visiting you. Ciao.
1 

Wells Tao
Sohn Yoo Sehmin I remember that like it was yesterday. But at the time I was locked into my head, I couldn't understand what was wrong with me, even though I thought I knew as it could make sense. There was like a wall of glass between you, life and me. Glass gone now. Sad it was there at all, but so freekn relieved I can feel and that that's important
1


Steve Austin
Getting older like the rest of us lol … the life journey … tougher than we think huh?
1
 

Jason Muir
Ka pai e hoa!
2

Hayley Darling
its nice getting older
1
 

Johanna Sanders
All the Tao, one of the best minds in the business!
1

Johanna Sanders
Haha my typos are so bad... All the Best Tao!!! Still totally one of the best minds!!!
1
 

Wells Tao
"from" one of the best...
1

Johanna Sanders
ok then
1

Hope Williams
Smart and insightful changes, all the best
1
 

Rami Al-Jiab
Real glad bro, that's a tough place to be and change from, fighting yourself is way harder than fighting life, which in turn makes fighting life all the way harder. Pray/wish me the same I am still in pinhead mode LOL anxiety got me pinned like a deer caught by headlights
1
 

Wells Tao
wishing you radical self care bud.


Rami Al-Jiab
Wells TaoWells Tao i can see it now, i dont care about myself, all i want to do is care for others just becuase thats the standard i set myself before having mental health issues as i was able to look after me and do community work, now i cant do both, as i leave self care and i try to do community work but it ends up burning my energy, which reminds me i am not myself as before which makes me even more depressed and less equiped to self care than when i started. from your post and many others advise and self awareness i can see that i have prioritise and look after me first then when i feel better expand but I can't becuase my anxiety tells me if i do this i will get used to it then i will always be selfish and not care about activism issues. i cant be selfish, it scares the fuck out of me
1

Wells Tao
You won't change, you'll just get better. Healthy Boundries first, then good stuff happens.
1
Steve Austin
Hugs from Marlborough

guts full spill

 

Tonight I've realised, that a life cycle that began 28 years ago, has died. Ended. I'm relieved and sad about it. But most of all, I am sincerely grateful for the clarity this death has created. My fear is in the clarity not sticking around long enough for me to really know it. But I intend to find the courage.

I was 21 and I was about to leave art school, in my own spectacular way, concocted some semi conscious plan, a narrative that involved rebellion, criticism and depression. Sustainable, educated and kind of a willed spiritual gesture. I dreamed big as you do at that age.

It was an experiment, with my life, with life. I wanted to find out what I really didn't know. Having up to that point, been able to be mainstream, complacent and goldenly happy. I wanted to know what was out there. I had and still have this vague notion of tying myself to a rock, to feel heavy, so I could not be moved. I was terrified of my own transience.

Pain was to be my rock, self knowledge my undeniable rope. Such adolescent grand gestures. And yet, here I am. What has ended? I don't know I'm too tired to speak. I've talked about it all day with so many professional strangers on mental health lines. A text message to a friend. I've got the dozen journals by the bedstead drowned in their many brilliant diagrams, syllogisms, prayers for peace, that spring "you'r ok you've done this, just get through this full bore". All hands on deck, the sirens are singing, I've thrown rocks, I can hear them singing, there they are on the rocks, I sail past. I am the mast my friend.

 

Speaking like this in public. Who speaks like this in public, the mad, the conceited capitalist mining their person circumstances. I intend to get a job. As someone who believes in Welfare as a freedom to enjoy from capitalism, that it should be attached to a persons right to self development and not directly to employment, this will be (as it has been) a real effort. I feel I can see my path forming, one where I will increase the chance of something happening, something being born that doesn't presently exist in the way that I feel it could, in a way that I feel and believe in.

But not to get ahead of myself. There are so many daily small steps that must be taken still, before I will see sudden change. The maintenance of my now is huge,  two children that in so many ways are my masters, teachers to know myself. A test where I must love myself or fail them, miss myself.
 

Times flesh, Emotion, 

feeling

Reading

 

Writing action

On a path

already there 

False divides and full moons, tonight I've had a guts full spill

So so excited

for me, with the internet, and the exponential rise of 'creative work' the failure of art culture to prepare the wider culture to be able to distinguish bad art from good, is a capitalist success story. Bad art has to be that which is or wants to kill people. Difficult to tell that when the system you use to perpetuate your art, kills people.

 

P̲u̲blic E̲n̲emy - Muse Sick-N-Hour Mess Age

Wolff Responds: Not Labor Shortage but CLASS Struggle

shellac - rambler song

Night Lunch - HOUSE FULL OF SHIT (official music video)

Gaslighting by Capitalists! In Socialist positions - Art Makers Aotearoa Unite

Gaslighting by Capitalists! In Socialist positions.

 

Art Makers Aotearoa Unite 

 

Speaker 1

Yes join us!

 

Speaker 2

when you have a legal wing

 

Speaker 2

and a Socialist wing..

 

Speaker 1

- we’re all socialists who are organising it and it’s free

 

Speaker 2

appreciate the sentiment, but how are you all socialist? Economically? And by free does that mean no legal wing?

 

Speaker 1

- we’re not set up with a legal wing - if members want it and we have volunteers to set it up and run it that way than we will do it I assume.

Better just to chat with us live and in person over our socialist politics.

 

Speaker 2

yeah that last bit, doesn't really line up with "we're all Socialists". eh

 

Speaker 1

- no - that’s patronising and making a misassumption to assume that - just talk to us directly (rather than be disrespectful like that). I don’t have time to try and prove it to you in this forum.

 

Speaker 2

yeah it's been a core part of my art work, for the last ten years to point out University Employee's are insincere socialists, pretending to be independent contractors when it suits the capitalist kick backs, as you know, when legally they should be fighting for public recognition as Democratic Socialist Infrastructure. But hey, why do the hard yards when annoying insulting idiots like me go on about it, forever. At least we all know our place. eh. Reminds me why I can never join these 'support groups' as important as they are ( and I do still briefly attend) the willing Naivety requirement to sustain engagement is a real buzz kill. But personally, Mark, I hope you will accept that I wish you well, and appreciate your art work, and the work you do for the green party.

 

Speaker 1

all the best for you too - like I said - please do have a direct conversation, rather than miss-assume about me like this.

 

Speaker 2

sure, you're welcome to talk to be about it anytime. I was however talking to points you were publicly making. As in, if you are "privately" a socialist how does that not perpetuate the impression that it's all capitalism? Woops

 

(Speaker 1, de-friends Speaker 2)

 

Speaker 1

I don’t feel very comfortable with this Speaker 2 - can you please remove it - you’re just going way too far again. This is not ok. This is internet bullying and harassment you are doing to me here. It’s a betrayal of my trust for you again.


 

Speaker 1

whoa already unfriended while being gaslighted. Classy 

 

What's it called when you are misrepresented by a privileged capitalist class that is hostile to self awareness? The problem I have with people who claim the Socialist Title, but don’t really mean it, who will say it but are really capitalists, is that it misrepresents people like myself who identify as Socialist and are paying in real life a price for that. A price of not being invited to the capitalist feeding trough like the good capitalists are. 

 

So, it becomes a matter of, if it’s not me who is going to point out the obvious, that welfare is not capitalist, that those on welfare are Socialists and we are governed by a Democratic Socialism who should be out in an all out war for Socialist Profits against Capitalists and capitalist values, profits, but are instead being lead by Capitalists! In Socialist positions.

 

I see how you are all capitalists and that this talk makes you uncomfortable, but bear it. It would perhaps be easier for you if I was different, your criticism of me as x, y or z is valid. But this argument goes no where until you and I can admit what are economy being actually practiced really is. And we admit to promoting that economy, publicly. 

 

My understanding is, that as someone on Welfare, I am not a Capitalist, I threaten Capitalism. Why.. well cause I'm an expression of democratic will to be free from the commercial limitations of capitalism. That is real. It makes applying and job interviews, FUCKING INTENSE. So yeah all you faking it, stop it, from my position you are just obscuring the real front lines that are doing the work you can't. You are still important as a Socialist Sympathizer, very very important. Supporting my sanity for a start. 

 

Tao Wells

Volunteer Democratic Economy Experimental Public Art Socialist

Angel Olsen - Tiniest Lights

Morphic Resonance After Forty Years - Well worth a watch

Socialist Activism

 

Warpaint - Shadows